I met Olga in 2010 at VidCon. She was a very smart, very clever, very cool young woman. I thought it was weird (but kinda cool) that Tom had found a cool fan who could hold her own with a bunch of the top-tier VidCon folks and let her behind the curtain a little bit.
It never occurred to me that it would become more than that. And though I knew Olga remained part of that social sphere, I had no inkling that they had become a couple. I am horrified and extremely disappointed in myself that I was not able to realize that this was happening and put a stop to it…maybe even before it started.
I won’t comment on the specifics of this relationship because that isn’t my place. But the more fact that it existed infuriates me…sexual relationships need to be equitable and they can’t be when people are in dramatically different life stages or when one person enters the relationship as a fan of another.
I haven’t said anything about this today because I just don’t know what to say. Tom was my friend. I looked up to him…I trusted him. I am furious…that’s all I can feel right now.
My only consolation is that I honestly believe these issues are coming to light in this community not because they are more common, but because we are more empowered to speak out and not hide from or cover them up.
And that’s excellent, because you cannot fix a problem if you do not face a problem.
I share Hank’s disappointment. (It’s not clear in Hank’s post, but he is referring to credible accusations concerning the musician and YouTuber Tom Milsom.)
I don’t know how to feel about this stuff except sad and angry, but I want to be public about my sadness and anger, because I don’t want to let this go unacknowledged.
I’ve written and deleted thousands of words about this today, and I’m grateful to Hank for saying most of what I wanted to say. Consenting adults: Go forth and do all the things! But the abuse of power we seem to see regularly in these manipulative fan/creator relationships is reprehensible and unacceptable. We are working hard to make sure that events we plan and endorse are as safe and secure as possible.
On a professional note, we continue to have a zero tolerance policy for abusive behavior by artists whose work is distributed by DFTBA Records, so his music is no longer for sale at DFTBA.
Oh my god this 15 year old schoolgirl just started flirting with me on the bus in the cutest most innocent way, like, asking if I went to college nearby, and when I told her I was 22 she looked so crestfallen ah man heh
Im 14 turning 15… does this mean I have no chance with you?!
I’m sticking with partners of consenting age at least for the foreseeable future!
and by foreseeable future I mean forever
unless one day I decide to up sticks and become a friendly travelling pedophile
HAHAHAHA. HA. Ha.
What/who do you associate with me?
I’m curious. What are the, say, top 5 things you associate with me?
Can be a tumblr user, a book, movie, character, actor etc.
"There’s a paradox in thinking that you’re better than other girls, when your whole reason for feeling that way is because you think your gender is so inherently inferior that you want to dis-identify with being a girl altogether."
"Sestero recalls that Wiseau intended for the film to contain a subplot in which Johnny was revealed to be a vampire, due to Wiseau’s own fascination with the creatures. Sestero recounts how, at the outset of production, Wiseau tasked members of the crew with figuring out a way to execute a sequence in which Johnny’s Mercedes Benz would lift off from the roof of the townhouse and fly across the San Francisco skyline, revealing Johnny’s vampiric nature. Wiseau eventually decided to drop the subplot after learning that there was no practical way to film the flying car scene on the production’s budget"
The hurt trans* men feel is directly influenced by their female socialization which trans* women had the PRIVILEGE of not being raised with. So you're not even starting on even playing fields. I don't know why you need to compare the struggles of both as if trans* men are somehow infringing upon the rights of trans* women by existing.
BUT WHAT ABOUT TEH MENNNNNZZZZ!?!?!? D:
I HAVE SEEN THE ERROR OF MY WAYS. I WILL DEFINITELY FOCUS ALL MY EFFORTS ON ELEVATING TRANS MEN EVEN FURTHER ABOVE TRANS WOMEN
I SHALL ENSURE THEY CONTINUE TO RECEIVE ACCESS TO WOMEN’S COLLEGES. IT IS A TRAVESTY WHEN THEY CAN’T TRANSFER AFTER TRANSITIONING
I WILL ENSURE THAT WOMEN’S HEALTH CLINICS CONTINUE TO SPEND OODLES OF MONEY TRAINING STAFF IN THEIR HRT, WHILE THEY CONTINUE TO REFUSE TRANS WOMEN HRT, EVEN THOUGH IT’S THE SAME HRT YOU GIVE TO MENOPAUSAL WOMEN AND OTHER WOMEN WHO HAVE ISSUES PRODUCING ESTROGEN.
I WILL ENSURE THAT TRANS MEN CONTINUE TO HAVE ACCESS TO WOMEN’S SPACES, BECAUSE WOMEN ARE DEFINED SOLELY BY THEIR VAGINAE AND UTERI, AM I RIGHT?!?
AND I WILL NOW WORK TO CORRECT THE INEQUITY IN THIS LIST. I MEAN, TRANS MEN HAVE THREE THINGS ON THERE, THAT IS REALLY UNJUST BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST THE BEST PEOPLE EVER AND TRANS WOMEN HAVE FAR TOO LITTLE SHIT BEING HEAPED ON THEM.
This is one of those moments where the people on both sides of this debate are both so spectacularly wrong that you cannot side with either.
But damn, that is one for the books. Transwomen are now privileged for being born into the wrong body. What the actual diddily…
Also, transmen have the apex of privilege! Society is very accommodating!
God, don’t you wish that by some cosmic miracle both of their inane arguments could begin to correspond with reality and transmen and transwomen would actually be treated with respect by society on whole.
I’ll be addressing both the asker and the OP in this, so it’s going to get long.
When did it suddenly become ok to erase the struggles trans men face just because trans women also face struggles?
We have less representation (almost none), less exposure, less normalization, and our surgeries are more expensive and, in my personal opinion, less satisfying. These are some of the issues we want addressed. We want more research, more advancement, more media coverage, and more exposure. We want characters and famous individuals that we can look up to. We’re in desperate need of all of these things. Why shouldn’t we be allowed to discuss them and fight for them?
I love (read: hate) how people will harp on how important representation is until it’s an oppressed minority they don’t like that is in need of more and better representation.
I love (refer to the above) how people will harp on how important it is to help oppressed minorities, in general, until it is an oppressed minority they don’t like that needs help.
The minute someone says even one thing about the oppression they face, these people will jump on them, because they aren’t the right fucking kind of oppressed minority. No, no, they’re the privileged kind of oppressed minority. They aren’t allowed to be hurt by systems of oppression, by bigotry, and by ignorance. They aren’t allowed to express frustration at the lack of aid they are receiving, and at the constant erasure and belittling of the issues they face.
Trans men are perfectly capable of focusing on the issues trans women face. We are perfectly capable of fighting for better conditions for us and for trans women and non-binary individuals.
Why can’t you do the same, OP? I have never, ever met a trans woman who has just brushed aside the issues their siblings face until today. It’s disgraceful. It’s shameful.
I, personally, am not asking that we stop fighting for trans women (though I’m sure there are some assholes out there who would ask such a terrible thing) to focus solely on trans men. That would be ludicrous and exclusionary. I want to bring their struggles to light. I want to bring all trans people’s struggles to light, though, not just certain factions that I perceive to be “the most oppressed.”
Talking about the issues trans men face does not erase or silence trans women. That’s like saying that talking about the issues black people face in America erases and silences Chinese people or Indian people or anyone else who isn’t white. They’re all PoC, but they face very different problems that need to be addressed in different ways, because they aren’t just one massive fucking hive mind. They aren’t just an unfeeling mass of sameness. Each race and culture is different and experiences different hardships.
Well, we’re all trans, but we each face very different problems that need to be addressed in different ways. Non-binary people face their own unique problems. Trans women face their own unique problems. Trans men face their own unique problems. Why is acknowledging all of these problems a bad thing?
The original asker is also so blatantly, offensively wrong that I don’t know where to begin. Trans women did not have the privilege of being raised male. Do you know what “privileges” they had? Crippling gender dysphoria, just like trans men. Bullying and harassment, just like trans men. The fear of losing their lives, just like trans men. The fear that they may one day claim their own lives, just like trans men.
It shouldn’t be a pissing contest. We are all in this shitty boat together. We have all suffered. Being raised male is not a fucking “privilege,” and telling a trans individual that they were privileged to be raised as the gender they are not is just shitty and transphobic as all hell. Do you know how hard it is, batglitch, to be raised as the gender you are not? Forget your notions of male privilege for a moment, and put yourself in the shoes of a trans individual. Are you trans, yourself? If so, how can you tell a trans woman or any trans individual that being raised as the incorrect gender is a privilege? Surely you understand what gender dysphoria does to people. If you are trans, surely you understand how difficult it can be, how truly horrifying it is to wake up in the wrong body every day of your life, and, for a good portion of it, not understanding why you feel this way. We aren’t born knowing why we’re hurting.
We’re just born hurting. We’re born into a world that still doesn’t understand us, not to the degree it should. We’re born into a world of prejudice and bigotry and hatred. We’re born into this world in the wrong body. We start off on the wrong foot. We start off with a handicap, limping, while others race ahead.
There is no privilege in being raised as the wrong gender. If anything, it serves only to intensify our dysphoria. We’re treated as someone and something we’re not for years of our lives. How is that a privilege? Even if you believe that male privilege is absolute, how can you ignore that kind of traumatic experience? How can you chock anything so painful up to privilege?
That’s pure ignorance. It is so ignorant to assume that just because a person was born physically male, they received the privilege of being raised male. Being raised male does not help trans women. It hurts them. It can cause intense dysphoria. It can cause bullying if they attempt to present as female. Attempting to present as female can put their lives at risk.
That’s not privilege.
This entire exchange was a clusterfuck of wrongness.
Reblogging because his response is amazing.